Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
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You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
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Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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