Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
