he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
