HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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