My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
