I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
