You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
