butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
why do cheetos always look like penises
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
