We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
