my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
