Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
