She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
