yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
