Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
