so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
