I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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