i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
foreskin is a definite game changer
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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