I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
