Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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