She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
