I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
