I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
