someone threw a dead crab at me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
