16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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