Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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