You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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