so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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