eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
