Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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