After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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