Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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