4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
