Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Four minutes until I can fart!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
