This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
