How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He told me they were just razor bumps!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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