Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
