please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
