My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
