the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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