I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
