My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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