She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
