in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
