somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
