textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
