Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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