come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
dude. I can hear the air.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
