i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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