You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
