Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
