Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
