seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
