I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
