i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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