Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The best revenge is premature balding
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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