Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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