just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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