put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
