you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
