i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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