she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
