I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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