I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
