Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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