i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
