Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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