We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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