I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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