its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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