drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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