coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
