so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
