I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
