i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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